Covert Narcissism

“I was so confused by my partner’s positive/kind/loving behavior in public–—it isn’t like this at all at home. It was making him/her well-liked and loved by our family and friends.” This is a common statement from someone who is in a relationship with a covert narcissist.

A narcissist’s strong desire for positive recognition – being adored - propels the covert narcissist to pour on the charm in public. The result? The non-narcissistic partner is thrown into confusion, shame, and the mistaken belief that they are the cause for their troubles. When it gets so awful and they want to end the relationship and speak their truth, they don’t expect to be believed, because the narcissist has prepared the way for you to look like the bad guy. They will also begin a ‘smear campaign’ against you, to further have people swayed in their favor.

This ‘gossiping’ if you will, gives the narcissist a sense of power and reinforces their ego. They want to be the ‘victim,’ they want to fit in socially – they don’t want to be known for what they really are - so they will do anything they can to throw the blame your way.

It is an abuse cycle that is very damaging. Please reach out if you need support in this area. 719-375-4622