Relationship Issues

One of the biggest challenges in relationships (if not THE biggest issue) is communication.

How many times have we heard from another - or have said ourselves during an argument “THAT is NOT what I meant!”

Thinking that we understand what a person is saying, or assuming that what we’re saying is being interpreted correctly by another is simply a challenge. Many hurt feelings are simply the product of misperception.

Clarification is one skill used in clearing up this communication problem in relationships:

~ Tell me what you think you thought you heard :-)

~ “This is what I’m hearing, is that right? If not, can you try to clarify? (repeat this process until both people are on the same page with the message trying to be expressed).

~ Restating in your own words what you perceived the other person to say, do, behave…

~ Do you mean…?

~ Can you put that differently, because I am not sure I know what you mean?

~ I am really hurt, mad, upset about that…is this what you meant (restate what you interpreted).

Vocabulary is only 20% of our communication, the rest is body language, facial expressions, behavior. We can also misinterpret this major type of communicating, and it also needs clarification when we are truly trying to correctly understand another person, or to be understood correctly.

Websters Dictionary defines clarification:

“The action of making a statement or situation less confused and more comprehensible.”

It gets especially difficult when emotions are high, or we ‘assume’ that we know what another is thinking, feeling, or doing. Sometimes we can use help in learning this skill, practicing it, and continuing on with more core relationship skill building.

Kennedy Counseling is a good place to learn those skills.