For many people, this is “NOT” the most wonderful time of year. We are taught to anticipate these magical days filled with wonder and awe – but the truth is, that rarely exists. They can be good, that is true, but for so many people this time of year is painful; struggling with stress, suffering in grief or isolation, and triggered by family dysfunction that was usually worse during these times.

Expectations can be REALLY high from our family/friends and culture! Sometimes much more than we can really pull off:

Expected to cook/clean and work much more than you are capable of doing or want to do

Expected to spend an exorbitant amount of money

Expected to be with people that have caused great harm in the past.

Expected to accept being disrespected.

Expected to be around food, alcohol, and other behaviors/substances that trigger your own addiction that you are in recovery from

Expected to not grieve and not be sad about someone who is not here this year, including a pet

Expected to show up, even if you don’t want to, and it is not healthy for you to do so

Expected to not have depression/anxiety, or any other mental health issue

MANY people struggle with these issues during November and December; the “shoulds” are in high gear! “I should do this…I should go here…I should do that…”

I’m going to challenge all of us; if we are the home that is uncomfortable; how can you help loved ones feel safe, loved, and welcome? Can you allow your guests/family them to be themselves, just enjoy their company, to make sure you ‘stay in your own lane’ and not judge/criticize or embarrass them? No silent treatment; no off-handed passive aggressive comments; no manipulation tactics or slams. We can change our homes to be loving and welcoming. We can be kind and create an environment of peace, free from the fear of a mean comment or jab. This does not mean that we don’t have boundaries and draw the line at behaviors that are inappropriate, but there is a balance to having a healthy environment with a shared workload and boundaries that will protect our emotional health.

The holiday commercials and nostalgic mood of the season can bring about an unrealistic view of what these days can be. Setting realistic goals and having a realistic mindset can alleviate the emotional letdown that is quite common. And it is always ok to take care of yourself, making sure that you are ok; even if that means making alternative plans to stay safe, and healthy!

If you need help on either side of this gathering, please reach out and we can work through this together. 719-375-4622