People-pleasers strive to keep the peace and avoid conflict at all costs, often at their own expense – by putting their own thoughts and feelings on the back burner. People-pleaser’s say yes when they really want to say no. They have difficulty standing up for themselves, feeling obligated to please others and are trapped in a cage of ‘nice ness’ that brings about anxiety, guilt, and frustration. Often, people-pleaser’s have denied their own real feelings and thought’s for so long, that they don’t even know what they really think or feel anymore. It is the opposite of being your own authentic self. We often learn this behavior in childhood as we are taught to ignore our own feelings/thoughts/needs in order to please others (parents, teachers, grandparents, etc.), and then we keep that pattern alive and well into adulthood, marriage, in-laws, friends, etc.

The good news: You can still be a kind, caring, attentive, and generous person without being a people-pleaser. We actually call it “recovering from people-pleasing!” You can learn to reclaim who you really are and have the freedom to be yourself - and enjoy life without the guilt/fear/and shame of trying to take care of everyone else’s feelings/actions/and life. It is awesome!

Counseling can help with this recovery. Call 719-375-4622 if you would like help in this area. We do free 20-minute consultations via Zoom.