The Lost ART of LISTENING

Listening is the most important of all the communication skills that can create and maintain intimacy. Being on the receiving end of a good listening experience feels amazing!

Listening is a commitment and a compliment. It is a commitment in time, showing interest, putting aside yourself, and it actively communicates “I care about you; how you feel, what you think, what you need…you are important to me.”

Here are some active listening skills to practice (we can all improve 😊):

Listen without waiting to talk or to give an answer; just listen

We don’t have to have an “answer” to their problem. Just hear them with love

Undivided attention: Stay focused with your mind, eyes, and body language; no phone, don’t look around, no tv glancing, not saying hi or smiling at other people if in public

Here are some roadblocks to healthy, active listening:

Distracting/derailing the speaker and the content with jokes or irrelevant comments because you are uncomfortable

Thinking you can ‘mind-read’ and assume you know where the speaker is going, and you check out on paying attention OR finish their sentence for them

Being so busy thinking about what you’ll say next that you don’t really hear what the person is saying

The person struggles to complete a sentence without being interrupted with advice. You are busy searching your thoughts for solutions instead of resting your mind, focusing on them, and just listening - without having to “fix” their problem/situation

Most of us do or have done all of these. Communication is the main challenge in most relationships, so we can all certainly strive to improve. If you ever need help with these skills, counseling is a great place to get that help.