While space and silence are human needs, the silent treatment is a refusal to verbally communicate with someone, often as a means of punishment, emotional manipulation, or control – and it is a form of abuse. Although there are many ways to address and change this behavior, the person who uses the silent treatment will ultimately have to decide if they want to put in the effort to find more effective ways of communicating if they want to have a mature, healthy relationship; no matter what kind of relationship it is; family/friend/spouse. We all struggle with communication skills, and this is one of the toughest forms to deal with.

The silent treatment refers to the act of intentionally withdrawing from an interaction, refusing to join in, and shutting the other person/people out for extended periods of time. It can become emotionally abusive as this type of behavior reinforces the feeling that someone we care about wants nothing to do with us - no matter what you try to do, you cannot reach the other person, and they reject you.

Some reasons why people rely on the silent treatment:

• They have poor communication skills and don’t know how to express their needs or emotions –

• Power and control

• Unspoken expectations are running rampant

• They know it bothers people, but continue to do it anyway – it is effective

• They use it as a form of passive-aggressive communication

• It leaves the person receiving it feeling rejected - and this is its purpose

• The perpetrator of the silent treatment blames others for their anger and behavior

· The silent treatment is a negative and controlling form of communication. There is nothing that feels good about being on the receiving end of this type of behavior. As with other forms of abuse, the silent treatment could also become part of the cycle of abuse if change does not occur.

How do we deal with this type of behavior? Try not to personalize it. Ask yourself, “Is this about me, or is something to do with them that they need to resolve?” Most likely the latter.

Disengage; Stay calm. Yes, this is a big ask, but if you can do this, your response will likely be less emotional, allowing you to communicate more clearly. You do not have to react or give in to this behavior, but you can set boundaries/limits on how much disrespect you are willing to be subjected to.

Counseling can be a safe place to bring this out in the open, discover what is really going on, and learn new communication skills – please reach out if you need help in this area. 719-375-4622