Anger! This is a subject big enough to talk about for months!

Anger is hurt and fear turned outward… Something is threatened; safety, security, finances, sexuality, and much more.

One of the most common predecessors of anger is misperception in communication.

We participate in mind reading much more than we think we do! We "think" we know what a person is thinking, feeling, or doing. The truth is, we are not mind readers, and we do not actually know (no matter how much we think we do) what any other person is thinking, feeling, or doing.

No matter how long we've known that person, or what their relationship is to us, in reality we do not know what they are thinking, feeling, or doing.

How many times in life have we been hurt by what someone says or does, and if we finally share with that person what we thought they said or did to us, they respond with "I'm so sorry, that's not what I meant at all!"

If both people are attempting to mind read, misperceive, and do not clarify…this quickly damages any relationship - hurt feelings, anger, and broken relationships can happen.

All of us have ways that we perceive information - this information is filtered through our life experiences and our core beliefs. When you are communicating with anybody, those messages go through our filtering system and are subject to this interpretation disruption.

The ONLY way to clear this up is clarify, clarify, clarify!

How do we accurately interpret what someone says?

We have to take a deep breath, and ask the other person for clarification.

No matter how difficult, let the other person know that you are trying to understand what they meant and describe how you interpreted their words or actions.

Maybe you perceived their communication accurately...but maybe not. Allow them to clarify, then repeat your perception to them again, until you are both on the same page.

Sometimes we need help doing this if emotions are high. Years worth of miscommunication may be built up and a third person is necessary to help clarify.

This skill is helpful moving forward - to be able to understand what people are actually trying to communicate to us can save us a lot of pain and anger.